Everyone else's blogs...

Sheesh, talk about intimidating. I'm so hooked on so many other Mommy blogs it's taking up all my time to work on mine. All the while I can't get past how to really brand MOM I AM. So what's a starry-eyed Mom blogger to do?

Only time will tell. I need to set aside a concrete block of time every week dedicated to studying how to create a successful blog. How to really focus my energy, my passion for writing and all things Motherhood,  and appeal directly to other Moms.

Reflecting on my VBAC

VBAC = Vaginal birth after caesarean. More progressive communities, hospitals, doctors are now doing them, reflecting on the studies now released showing the low rates of risk and also the benefits to the baby and mother. This was my goal.

Course I should write out the whole experience, and am currently doing so for my Drs and my own "memoirs". However, the most important things to note is my feelings going into it were much like Wrestling With What I Should Have Known where the point it made that after a c-section, yes, your are thankful and full of gratitude for the safe arrival of your children, but it doesn't mean there isn't regret or other hard feelings you harbor.

I found my VBAC seriously, spiritually healing. It validated my place in the world as a mother. Yes, I can birth my children. It gave me an awesome amount of peace in my heart. An awesome amount of power to draw on in the future. Any moment I may doubt myself, just the very memory of my abilities as a woman and mother should be enough to quell a fear in any circumstance or bolster courage when I think I've run out.

With supportive doctors, doula, husband, friends, mother, sibling, etc. I was again and again told everything will be fine and "you can do it". I could tell the whole time they all didn't necessarily want to see me get to committed to the vision that it could only be one way though. Didn't want me to get my hopes too high and then carry the disappointment I did after my first birth if it should turn out the same. I was very rational and assured everyone that this time I would be fine with the end result as long as the journey there was different. Still, there wasn't a moment where I really believed that. All I could do each day was recite my "birthing wish list". Visualize the whole thing, over and over. You know what? I got everything on that birthing wish list. Labor at night putting my two year old to bed, my sister-in-law to come and watch over him, arrived 8 cm dilated after 2.5 hrs at home laboring, the water birthing room which then also allowed me to have the wireless and waterproof fetal heart monitor I was mandated to wear (so I was never limited in the room), amazing nurses, my husband had listened to all my concerns and I could tell because he was doing the little things I needed and again, a really connected doula and doctor, a quick and safe natural labor.

The end result a perfect 8lb 20in healthy boy. Laid directly on my chest, long pulsing cord trailing up my stomach as the whole world stopped. Utter peace. Labor was amazing. Birthing intense. So much pain. So much reward. I'm humbled and awed... by myself this time, not just by the miracle of the baby.

I pray more and more women are aware of the right to make this choice. I pray more and more seek out the information and then the doctors that support VBACs. I pray at least one other woman in the world is gifted the healing in her heart I have been.

Just thinking...

There are so many great and glorious ideas I have right now floating around in my head on how to be more successful and productive when it comes to my writing online. Yet very daunting on how to get grounded and started. I know ultimately I need to wait after the second baby arrives near the end of Oct. or any momentum I begin with will be lost. Then I'm sure by the time I get in the groove I'll be faced with the amazing task of starting school again online. It's been 13 years so nothing like taking on a lot all at once. Yet I realize those are the only times in my life when I'm successful. So there's a brief note for the archives... for looking back at when I'm a riveting blogger followed by tons o moms! 

To bake or not to bake?

I recently read a great blog post at PassionateHomeaking.com about "When Homemaking Gets in the Way of Mothering". There is definitely that feeling amongst us "crunchy" moms who are trying to make every meal from scratch, can food come fall, cloth-diaper and hang laundry, compost, garden, home-school, while baby-wearing and nursing, etc. that we have to be doing everything natural, eco, by hand in all arenas of our lives. 

How much time does this leave us to parent? Let alone for ourselves? Balance in all things is important. I'm not saying if you live this kind of lifestyle to go out once a week and grab fast food... that wouldn't mesh with your ethics for your family's nutrition. However, there must also be allowances or shortcuts we as full-time homemakers can offer ourselves. 

You may point out women have been doing all this and more in the past. Yet I don't think in the past there was the deep emphasis that we all are concerned with now, that of connecting with, acknowledging and truly bonding with our children. Yes, in the past a woman would/could have eight or more kids plus run the farm and make everything from scratch or by hand. Siblings contributed to raising younger siblings. Now with the norm being one to three children and our desire to really spend time with them how much of the laborious work enriches our lives and is there a point at which it can detract from our quality of time with our loved ones or enriching ourselves as women on a personal level?

If you find yourself feeling stressed about the routines you have created for yourself in trying to make the "perfect" mom-does-it-all home you must realize that stress will be felt by your family members in the form of feeling like a burden. I am personally striving to find the balance that leaves me enjoying it all, without doing it all. Make a list: What is important for me to do from scratch/by hand? What can I let go of and what are the substitutions I can live with in these areas?

If by eliminating one task it gives you 20 more minutes a day with your child or 20 more minutes a day for you to read a book for fun then it's well worth it. You won't remember all the household chores, repeated daily, at the end of your life. You will however take with you the joy of down time well spent creating memories. 

How to create a more positive view of birth...

Recently I'm left frustrated and furious about yet another brain-washing perpetrated against all women. I'm heading into my second birth, just eight weeks away and am filing my head with positive stories and affirmations regarding the VBAC I'm attempting. After reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth there was one part in particular that jumped out at me. Granted this part isn't the premise of the book, it's mainly a very informative, delightful book that sends a woman away with a different belief of how great a birth can be. Much different than what we've all grown up with here in western culture. 

So the part that ruffled my feathers was the connection between everything reproductive oriented that is portrayed in the movies, on tv and even in books that leaves women with a sense of failure. Far too many women have been bombarded by the notion that in while engaged in sex they immediately are aroused but also reach climax. If you don't you're somehow wired wrong. If you don't give your partner that sense that they've brought you to climax so easily, again, it's you, not him or his notion of how this is all supposed to happen. 

Birth also is portrayed as this immediate 0 to 60, water breaking dramatically out of no where, the woman's surprise and fear, and then blam! so much pain she has to be rescued by the doctor in shining white coat. Suspense and drama being key in any story...both are too quick to come about. Regarding sex and orgasim it took many years of a caring, loving partner and being very honest with myself to work towards the challenge of sexual satisfaction which was far from the "sex ed" I received after watching so many clichéd scenarios. 

Now as a mother, and getting ready to be one twice over, I'm aware of the same clichés that are foisted on us regarding childbirth. Myth being it's not only going to hurt worse than anything, but this natural physiological function your body has been created to do... you won't be able to handle. You will need medical intervention. You will need machines. A strict orderly process of having a birth. A time frame in which to "accomplish" said birth. Medications, augmentations, on and on. That there aren't readily available and consistent messages out there showing women with great support systems in place, lovingly surrounded, even in the comforting environment of home giving birth and actually enjoying the process. I'm not naive... it's labor. But the definition of which does not by default embody all that we have been lead to believe.

On both ends of the spectrum we have not been raised to trust our bodies. To explore and give into the divine power which is embodied in both. We have no clue how to listen to our intuition to connect our mind with our body to achieve our desired end result in either case. Yes, there has been women's liberation. Yet there is still far to go in how all media portrays women at their most fundamental, base, primal moments. Creating life with her partner and bringing it forward through birth. If one day girls can grow up seeing positive images on all fronts of both scenarios I can't fathom the satisfaction and empowerment it would bring to so many sacred acts. 

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Other incredible birth and parenting books I've fallen in love with are: Spiritual Midwifery, Birthing from Within and Our Babies, Ourselves. 

Like I need one more thing to do...

Okay I think I'm gonna hit this up in a whole new way. Here I though making "articles" would be the only way to interest people but I realize that's not how I think, nor write. It was too difficult and not fun... and I've always enjoyed writing. This should be no different. Where am I in life right now? 60 days away from my due date, potty-trained 2 year old (rock on!), to-do list for the home a mile long, anxious to go back to school finally (winter semester at the great age of 32) and feeling really excited about all of it. 

There have been lots of changes in my life, in the dynamic of family mainly. Recently my brother and Uncle to my children moved away from Asheville. We both had settled here a couple years ago and now more than ever I wish he was here. So that's been hard on me. When filling out emergency contact forms, wanting to pick the best person should, Goddess forbid, something happen, I feel I have no one to put. Granted, I have tons of mommy friends who I would trust. Looking at the practical side though all the ones I trust the most already have two children and the likely-hood of a 3rd car-seat or the ability to wrangle a third at a moments notice leaves me feeling without resource. I find now family takes on a whole new role and is very much romanticized in my grand vision. I would give anything for my parents to move here to Asheville, the sooner the better! Just the thought of dropping off my eldest to be with Nana if needed or down the road (when the constant nursing subsides a bit) both the kids to either get things done, have "ME" time, or even *gasp* alone time with my Husband sounds like a magical fairy-tale.

I think anyone with family near them while raising children is truly blessed. I do notice how spread out families are now-a-days and can't help but think how this adds one more hardship to today's Moms who are supposed to "do it all" and ultimately just have to when no relations are living nearby. Granted, there are numerous daycares, Kid's Morning Out programs, structured activities and play programs and the ability to swap childcare with friends.  All of which I think are great for a child's growth, having multiple care-givers showing your child reliable ways in which their little world operates.  Hands down though there aren't those who will love and care for your kids like your own kin. 

So if family isn't around or involved in raising your children, what's a family to do? Emotionally that is. That's what I struggle with. How do you cultivate those deep relationships where not only the kids get along well but you find those other Mothers and Fathers that respond to your child with unconsequential love and seamlessly pick up where you leave off? Ah, to ponder. And to search. 

The Second Time Around...

 THINKING OF ANOTHER CHILD?

So things are finally settling in. You are well on your way and finally getting into the grove of Mommydom and you start thinking of a second child. Perhaps you and your toddler are now weaned, they are sleeping in their own bed, YOU are finally getting some sleep again, they are starting to communicate more, their ability for independent play so Mommy and Daddy can have a moment here and there is happening often. Insert big sigh. Then this crazy notion to pull the thread that unravels quite a bit of progress creeps into your head and heart. Is it time?

TO EACH THEIR OWN TIME

Lots of families today they are choosing to space out siblings with several more years in between the two, or three. The theory being to enjoy that special time with each child separately and having them be older when the baby comes along they a) may understand it better and b) be able to help out with their brother or sister. To be able to participate in caring for their brother or sister they may feel a sense of importance. Also, as time goes by there will be lots of special things that only they can do that the age difference affords them. They will have their own circle of friends throughout school and even be out of the house possibly when attention needs to be brought back to the adolescent era with their sibling.

On the other end of the spectrum there is the argument that the older child has had that much longer to ground themselves as the center of both parent's universe garnering their attention as needed and are even more inclined to encounter resentment and frustration at sharing the spotlight. They may also develop distance with their sibling over the years as they constantly find themselves absorbed by activities and interests that, through age, exclude the other.

The heath aspects of not having children close in age, from the mother's perspective, is, too soon and your body has not yet replenished itself to be in optimum heath to go through a second pregnancy. In fact, there are concerns that you will not deliver the highest amounts of nutrients to your growing baby without having reached a leveling off and return to norm for yourself first.

THICK AS THIEVES 

It is exciting to think of siblings close in age though so that throughout their childhood. The same activities are age appropriate and appealing to both and meal planning is easier. Putting all the sleepless nights, breast-feeding, diapering, potty training closer together makes for Momma milestones of saying goodbye to some of those times, however cherished. To be able to move forward rather than dreading starting all over again. These ideas appeal to many regardless of the extra emotional toll it may take.

Also, there may be financial and career aspects that factor in on the decision making process. Having children closer together allows a mother to possibly stay home in the young years, keeping the household budget reigned in and living simply. Then both kids are headed to school around the same time allowing mom to return into the job arena. Overall, possibly more committed and focused than feeling like she's missing being with her children in those precious toddler years.

Some mothers must weigh age considerations or any health conditions that can narrow their "window of opportunity".  You may have little say in the matter if you are set on having "x" number of children. Of course there are exceptions to every rule and the medical world continues to be surprised by women conceiving health children regardless of age or illness.

The argument can be made though if your body allows you to conceive it must be ready and healthy enough. Body aside, there is also the mental and emotional toll a pregnancy takes to consider. You could end up feeling like you are missing time with your 1st born all too soon. It can be incredibly difficult to chase a toddler while the newborn needs to be nursed

AS IF YOU WEREN'T BUSY ENOUGH

I have to rely on the testimonies from friends both with children close in age, those whose kids are spaced 2.5-3 years apart, and those who have a larger age difference between children. I have heard is it's overwhelming at any given moment as well as the best blessing ever in all instances. As I made dinner tonight and was beckoned non-stop by my almost two year old to come here, go there, tug-tug on my leg, some other moment there was crying, it was a blur. As I reached down and touched my belly six weeks into pregnancy I had a surge of "you have got to be kidding this kid is just going to have to live in a sling". 

Yet, I'm consumed with thoughts of women, just several generations removed that 5, 6, 7 kids in were doing heaps more than I can conceive of. Maybe there is just that inherited ability in women not only to allow our hearts to expand for each and every child that graces our lives but that we also keep expanding to take on all that comes with each additional child.

I don't think so much thought went into family planning in all the centuries previous as is currently going on in the past several decades. There is a lot more to "plan" around, isn't there? Heck, before it was just a matter of simple survival and less reliable birth control methods. Now we drive ourselves nuts considering every possibility and where every tiny choice takes us.

WHAT'S THE RIGHT SPACING OF SIBLINGS FOR YOUR FAMILY?

Whatever your choice, the idea that having them closer in age or further apart will assure or negate a possible connection over the years remains to be seen. There are good healthy relationships to justify either choice.

Perhaps we can feel blessed to be having such dialogue if only on the basis we are trying to consider what is truly best for our families. That alone is a sign of parents who are tuned in and wanting their children to have every happiness in the world. As when deciding to have one child or four to have each spirit that enters into your family be a wanted and welcomed child is all that matters. 

The excitement and emotions we are already feeling this time around are different and unique. I'm sure that's a preview of the truth that stands... every pregnancy, birth and kid is so special and unlike the one before. Again, bearing witness to countless scenarios with friends whatever the age difference of siblings turns out to be perfect for that particular family and they wouldn't have it any other way. 

Fantastic Giveaways for the Kiddos!

Folks if you haven't already stumbled on to Simple Mom (Simple Kids, Organic, Living, etc.) you must not only go there but sign up for either the emails or feed. This is what I look forward to the most every week out of all the other online media/mediums I've connected with. Clear, clean, concise. Enjoyable every time. Currently they are having several great giveaways to kickoff some changes to the site. The children's one is just one... you'll have to explore to find the rest. Happy reading!

Choosing Local and Organic for your Family

TEACHING THE ETHICS OF CONSCIOUS FOOD CHOICES

There are many values I hope to instill in my child. Kindness, generosity, respect... lots of values that focus on relationships between people. Just as important to me though is a set of values when dealing with the environment, and more specifically their food choices.

Thankfully more attention than ever is being turned back to one of our most fundamental needs. I think it's a shame that we can no longer just trust that the manufacturers have our best nutritional interests in mind, but really folks who are we kidding? For them it's about shelf life, "mouth feel",  colors, a hopped up sugar or salt appeal, all branded with your children's favorite characters. Oh, and lets not forget cheap.

Before getting started let's just come to an agreement, eating better can cost more, but there are definitely some options when keeping the grocery bill in check while putting healthier food on our plates. With so many families struggling currently the cost of food is more of a determining factor than what it will impart to our bodies. As parents it's our M.O. to put our needs last, but when we realize what we are bringing home from the store each week is mainly for our children, start researching what those ingredients are, look at food making practices (as in Food, Inc. Super-size Me, Food Fight, The Future of Food) the distance our food is traveling,  how can we not make this our most urgent priority? We are keepers of our child's bodies only for so long. There are no do-overs for a good, healthy start.

WHAT CAN WE DO DIFFERENTLY?

Let's start with the supermarket first. Begin with shifting your dairy, meat and produce to organic. These commodities contain the highest levels of additives, hormones, non-vegetarian diets (meaning they are feeding animals other animal bi-products), antibiotics and carry the highest impact on the environment in the form of water consumption, pesticide and herbicide use, water contamination.

Next, on everything else that boxed or packaged, the shorter the ingredient list the better. For me it's never been about calorie count or even fat content as some very healthy foods are high in both. Real, true honest to goodness ingredients in the food I buy is more important. Basically the point of convience foods is you would make it if only you had the time. Yet, if there are ingredients in it you wouldn't, or couldn't because you have no idea what they are, use IF you had the time to make it, well, in my opinion that's not something that needs to make it into your child's stomach.

One of the best resources here in Asheville I can name for getting cost-friendly organic food in you home is Amazing Savings. They get bungled boxes, flavors that didn't sell as well, and products that were over-ordered and not selling as quickly as needed. Especially for your children's cereals and snackables. Also, becoming familiar with places like French Broad Food CoOp will teach you about buying some of your staples in bulk and getting a great price there rather than pre-boxed amounts of such things as flours, sugars, nuts, pastas, beans. 

Moving on to choices that really move your food dollars to the right channels is buying locally. The Farmer's Market, local farms that ethically raise a variety of meat, such as Hickory Nut Gap Farm, or joining one of the many CSAs (Community Supported Agriculture) will not only directly benefit the health of your family but your local environment, sparing that many more products being shipped from far distances. I really enjoyed the 10 reasons to buy local shared by Appalachian Sustainable Project:

1. Locally grown food tastes better - Food grown in your own community was probably picked within the past day or two. It's crisp, sweet and loaded with flavor. Several studies have shown that the average distance food travels from farm to plate is 1,500 miles. In a week-long (or more) delay from harvest to dinner table, sugars turn to starches, plant cells shrink, and produce loses its vitality.

2. Local produce is better for you - A recent study showed that fresh produce loses nutrients quickly. Food that is frozen or canned soon after harvest is actually more nutritious than some "fresh" produce that has been on the truck or supermarket shelf for a week

3. Local food preserves genetic diversity - In the modern industrial agricultural system, varieties are chosen for their ability to ripen simultaneously and withstand harvesting equipment; for a tough skin that can survive packing and shipping; and for an ability to have a long shelf life in the store. Only a handful of hybrid varieties of each fruit and vegetable meet those rigorous demands, so there is little genetic diversity in the plants grown. Local farms, in contrast, grow a huge number of varieties to provide a long season of harvest, an array of eye-catching colors, and the best flavors. Many varieties are heirlooms, passed down from generation to generation, because they taste good. These old varieties contain genetic material from hundreds or even thousands of years of human selection; they may someday provide the genes needed to create varieties that will thrive in a changing climate.

4. Local food tends to be GMO-free - Although biotechnology companies have been trying to commercialize genetically modified fruits and vegetables, they are currently licensing them only to large factory-style farms. Local farmers don't typically have access to genetically modified seed, and most of them wouldn't use it even if they could. A June 2001 survey by ABC News showed that 93% of Americans want labels on genetically modified food - most so that they can avoid it. If you are opposed to eating bioengineered food, you can rest assured that locally grown produce was bred as nature intended.

5. Local food supports local farm families - With fewer than 1 million Americans now claiming farming as their primary occupation, farmers are a vanishing breed. And no wonder - commodity prices are at historic lows, often below the cost of production. The farmer now gets less than 10 cents of the retail food dollar. Local farmers who sell direct to consumers cut out the middleman and get full retail price for their food - which means farm families can afford to stay on the farm, doing the work they love.

6. Local food builds community - When you buy direct from the farmer, you are re-establishing a time-honored connection. Knowing the farmers gives you insight into the seasons, the weather, and the miracle of raising food. In many cases, it gives you access to a farm where your children and grandchildren can go to learn about nature and agriculture. Relationships built on understanding and trust can thrive.

7. Local food preserves open space - As the value of direct-marketed fruits and vegetables increases, selling farmland for development becomes less likely. You have probably enjoyed driving out into the country and appreciated the lush fields of crops, the meadows full of wildflowers, the picturesque red barns. That landscape will survive only as long as farms are financially viable. When you buy locally grown food, you are doing something proactive about preserving the agricultural landscape.

8. Local food keeps your taxes in check - Farms contribute more in taxes than they require in services, whereas suburban development costs more than it generates in taxes, according to several studies. On average, for every $1 in revenue raised by residential development, governments must spend $1.17 on services, thus requiring higher taxes of all taxpayers. For each dollar of revenue raised by farm, forest, or open space, governments spend 34 cents on services.

9. Local food supports a clean environment and benefits wildlife - A well-managed family farm is a place where the resources of fertile soil and clean water are valued. Good stewards of the land grow cover crops to prevent erosion and replace nutrients used by their crops. Cover crops also capture carbon emissions and help combat global warming. According to some estimates, farmers who practice conservation tillage could sequester 12-14% of the carbon emitted by vehicles and industry. In addition, the patchwork of fields, meadows, woods, ponds and buildings - is the perfect environment for many beloved species of wildlife.

10. Local food is about the future - By supporting local farmers today, you can help ensure that there will be farms in your community tomorrow, and that future generations will have access to nourishing, flavorful, and abundant food.  Adapted from ©2001 Growing for Market

CONNECT YOUR CHILD'S HANDS WITH THEIR TUMMY

It's very important to have your children connect to where there food is coming from early on. This means real hands on time from you as a parent. Getting out and about and exploring the tailgate markets, growing a few items in an herb garden or potting several vegetables at the beginning of the season, possibly volunteering some time at one of the CSAs listed, going to pick your own apples, corn, get your eggs and milk are all ways to directly connect to local food. I firmly believe, above all, having your kids help in the kitchen with the food you bring home, learning how simple ingredients come together into familiar meals. Cooking something from scratch several times a week with local ingredients will give them a direct appreciation of what is filling their belly. 

Raising children who are emotionally invested in the choices that effect the food chain and the environment, will ensure they and their families have healthy food in the future. What a blessing as a parent, when we are no longer setting the table for them directly, they will have already made mindful eating a way of life for themselves and the families they raise. 

Admitting to Postpartum Depression

HINDSIGHT AND POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
I can sit here at 20 months out with only a wisp of "the crazies", as I dubbed it afterward. There are some of those same emotions and feelings that made themselves present in the first months that even now, jump up, scare me and remind me of all that I went through in the beginning. I come from a family of talkers, we exercise our demons by talking them into submission. So it's actually something I enjoy sharing, how hard those days were for me after my son's arrival. Always when you share your hardest moments you are rewarded in finding your own strength and possibly you let another person know they aren't alone. No other woman did with me and I had only heard picture-perfect stories told.

Of course the "babymoon" ends, the drugs wear off, the other parent goes back to work. You can read up on parenting long before your bundle arrives, but no amount of smarts prepares you. I believe that isolation is PPD's best friend. Coupled of course with all the hormones changing... AGAIN... and a woman's will to stand strong and the desire to "have everything under control"... PPD has a lot that can help it work it's way in. Almost like water seeking the cracks in a rock face... then freezing and..... CRaaaaccckkk!

RECOGNIZING POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
It is very normal to have mood swings in the first two weeks. If your "blues" continue past that point or even accelerate, you probably have PPD. You should certainly connect with your physician or midwife to explore this possibility. Some symptoms you or your partner may notice are:

• Depressed mood-tearfulness, hopelessness, and feeling empty inside, with or without severe anxiety.

• Loss of pleasure in either all or almost all of your daily activities.

• Appetite and weight change-usually a drop in appetite and weight, but sometimes the opposite.

• Sleep problems-usually trouble with sleeping, even when your baby is sleeping.

• Noticeable change in how you walk and talk-usually restlessness, but sometimes sluggishness.

• Extreme fatigue or loss of energy.

• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, with no reasonable cause.

• Difficulty concentrating and making decisions.

• Thoughts about death or suicide.

Some women with PPD have fleeting, frightening thoughts of harming their babies: these thoughts tend to be fearful thoughts, rather than urges to harm. You should realize PPD is more common than you think, affecting roughly 12.5% of mothers in America or approximately 800,000. My suspicions are that we are much more removed from extensive family networks, we no longer are a culture that passes down such basic child-rearing and home-caring knowledge mother to daughter, we feel with all the information out there that we should be able to navigate parenting independently. All too often women suffer silently, like there is a written code that to martyr oneself is somehow a good, affable trait. Not so.

FINDING HELP

There are so many great health care practitioners out there and this is what they are trained to do. Listen to the problem and find a solution. For some that may mean psychotherapy, hormone therapy or antidepressants. Self-help for postpartum can include:

• Finding someone you can talk to about your feelings.

• Finding people who can help you with child care, housework, and errands so you can get some much needed rest.

• Make time for yourself every day, even if it’s only for 15 minutes. Do something relaxing or that makes you feel good about yourself.

• Keep a daily diary of your emotions and thoughts. This is a good way to let everything out and to keep track of your progress as you begin to feel better.

• Give yourself credit for the things you’re able to accomplish, even if you only get one thing done in a day. If you aren’t able to get anything done, don’t be hard on yourself.

• Give yourself permission to feel overwhelmed.

• Remember that no one expects you to be supermom.

• Be honest about how much you can do and ask others for help.

• Join a support group.

(Source: American Academy of Family Physicians)

It would have helped maybe if I had been on maternity leave and eventually been given the opportunity, by going back to work, to incorporate some of Me back into my world. I think the "Me" time everyone touts but puts on the back burner is essential. There can also be a dramatic sense of loss of self. In any given day of nursing, changing, cleaning, trying to feed myself, napping when the baby naps, I was always frantically thinking "wait I don't really want to do all this boring and practical stuff, shouldn't I be able to just go hang out with a pack of girlfriends, all of us laughing and sipping lattes at a cafe, while the baby sleeps sweetly in his little carrier?" Or wanting to leave to go yoga by myself. Or wanting to be loved on and petted when my husband came home yet one more person touching me, needing me at the end of the day and I'll pull my hair out. Everything is right. Everything is wrong. One moment blissed out Mommy just cooing at my son, the next a sobbing tyrant crying "what about me? what about me?" To incorporate yourself into the routine amidst the practical from the get-go is key.

I know that I'm a shy person. I DO NOT like reaching out to others. I DO NOT like sharing when I don't have everything under control and all is sun-shiney. But I did. I found a group of women, strangers, and hung out. Shared here and there. There was that feeling of safety in numbers. It was certainly helpful to hear other woman's feelings mirror my own. It's the one thing I would recommend for every woman right after pregnancy. Hang out. With whomever. Even an online community if that's all you can muster. You aren't alone. PPD is so common. Think about it, what would you tell your grown daughter/daughter-in-law to do if you found she was in the same position? Maybe we can mother ourselves a bit too, brush the stigma aside, reach out, share, talk. Heal.